To the Astronaut....

I got this lovely message the other day:

And I just had to see the profile of the gentlemen who would send such an enticing invitation. Words cannot describe.... So take a journey with me in pictures:

 

Somebody didn't read my anti-drug policy and needs to reference my earlier flow chart!

This is a Test...

Sometimes I love people! I got this message in my in box the other day:

Ummm, I wrote my profile, and answered over 400 questions. I think I'm good in the basic reading and writing department! My mind went in a few different directions when I first read it:

• How many girls does this guy run into that can't read or write?
• Maybe he's trying to be funny? Or original? 
• OR maybe this is a genius way to save your ego!!! Girl didn't respond, well that's not because I sent her an odd message doubting her IQ - she didn't respond because she failed the Quick Literacy Test! Poor dear who's trying online dating but can't read, good thing we weeded her out!

I'm still wondering how many times he's used that and actually gotten a response? 

To The "Hopeless Romantic"

Actions speak louder than pretty words, and in some cases, the things you don't ask say the most! I received this message from Shane on Oct. 26:

Morning :) I'm Shane, loved reading about you, finding a man inside and out is possible...I am a hopeless romantic :) I would like to chat with you and see where it leads if you are interested? 

Those who wish to sing, always find a song.

~ Swedish Proverb

Ok, the swedish proverb was pretty cheesy, but I can take a little cheese if it's genuine, and he seemed very ambitious from his profile. Just in the first paragraph he mentioned trying to become Dad of the Year, acheiving his second publication, and climbing the business ladder of success; so I emailed back to see where it went:

Hi Shane!

I must admit I found your profile intriguing. How are you doing on your 2012 goals? I'm assuming so many of your pictures are more posed/professional as a result of the second publication you mentioned? How many kids do you have? And most importantly, when you aren't conquering the universe, what are the things you like to do in your down time? Anything outdoors and new experiences are pretty general - what was the last new experience that you had and enjoyed? 

Have a great Friday!

Katie

In turn he asked if he could call or text me. There were a few basic texts of intro, hi/how are you, and then at 10:34 on Halloween night:

Seriously? His profile was so promising! Yet, he never answered any of my initial questions, nor asked anything to show that he was interested in actually getting to know me. I will not be anyone's booty call - if you want to know who I am, then be respectful and plan a time ahead!

I thought I conveyed that appropriately, but then two nights later, I got another message at 11:08 pm....

I'm glad he was laughing, cause I thought my boot pic was a pretty hilarious response too! At that point I decided I was done with this guy who only seemed interested in me when he was lonely late at night, and decided not to respond (in addition to ignoring the text at 1:27 am that same night asking "U done kicking the boots lol").

Then the next night, at 1:12 am (as I was coming home from a really fun first date with another guy who actually bothered to have email conversation with me and make plans ahead) I got the last in the series of Shane's late night texting weekend, "How was your night cow girl :)" Part of me was tempted to tell him I just had a great first date, but I refrained. 

So here's the point of this whole story. I think his idea of what hopeless romantic means and my definition vary a bit. I would agree, he's hopeless in the dating world, but saying he's a romantic? This might not make much sense to you Shane, but asking me to be your late night visitor is NOT romantic! I would like to make amendments to his introductory email based on my experience:

Morning :) I'm Shane, loved reading about you, but really I just looked at your pictures, oops!, finding a man inside and out is possible, but it probably isn't me...I am a hopeless romantic :) Did I type that wrong? I meant romantically hopeless! I would like to chat with you and see where it leads if you are interested? But honestly, I'm only actually interested if it leads to you doing unladylike things to me late at night. 

Those who wish to sing, always find a song. And some girls are dumb enough just to see my pretty words and not listen to the music - I'm hoping you're one of them! 

So Shane, good luck with your pursuit of happiness, but unfortunately I listen to the music and for the things you haven't said or asked. Despite your well thought our lyrics, we do not dance to the same song!

To ChristianGrey67

Since I've been broadcasting my online search for love, I've been hearing from other friends about their experiences and pitfalls on the road to Mr. Right. Some people have even texted me whenever they hear about dating opportunities (there's a pheromone dating event at Red Revolver Lounge on Nov 16th where for $35 I can smell guys dirty shirts and see which ones have pheromones that I'm attracted too. LOL, any takers to go with me? I didn't think so...) This post comes from a message sent to my girl friend:

Out of curiosity, I went to his profile for her (she's also on OKCupid.com). This is what Ted had to say about himself:

My self-summary

I am a Dominant man looking for a submissive woman. While I have a strong desire to lead I still remain a gentleman in public I open doors and pull out chairs

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I am a married man looking for a daytime friend and lover

You should message me if

You are married or don't mind that I am. Submissive or submissive curious

Again, kudos for being direct about what you want, and to each his own even if it's not my choosing for myself. Here's the part of the whole thing that stood out the most to me about Mr. Christiangrey67 (no, there aren't 66 other Christangrey_'s...I searched it). He has a kid, but doesn't want more. He's 50, which means his kid could be 20-30 years old and on this exact same dating site...Could you imagine finding this out about your Dad through OKCupid???  

Holly better be happy I did the dirty work for her of checking out his profile, I got a message from him the next day saying, "you looked at my profile, but didn't say anything. Hmmmm." 

Which I ignored. And then a day later, another message from him:

"You read my e mail and looked at my profile then nothing??? Hmmm"

Seriously sir? It means I read about you, and decided I wasn't into you. Stop "hmmmm"ing at me and accept the fact: while there might be 50 Shades of Grey, this one is black and white for me!

To the Spanker:

You all know my system: Read message, Look at picture, look at our match/friend/enemy stats, check out height details, read the profile. Decide to respond or not. This one made it to the read the profile section, and that's when I lost it!

Take my journey with me....

Message:

hey hows it going hon hows life been treating you lately

Pictures: Normal, no reasons to eliminate him

Stats: 83% Match, 63% Friend, 14% Enemy

Height: 6 feet tall

Profile:

My self-summary

Im going to be very upfront Im basically here trying to see if theres anyone else in my area that has the same awesome yet unfortunately uncommon interest of spankings, and no that is not code word for fwb's or a booty call or whatever these kids are calling it nowadays I mean spanking as literally as it sounds lol Im not really looking for a serious relationship right now only because honestly there are very few ladies that are willing to come second to school and that is pretty much my only priority at the moment, that plus being in more debt then I care to think about kind of puts being in a serious relationship low on my list. If you want to to know anything else just ask

What I’m doing with my life

Im a medstudent which basically takes up 90% of my life the other 10% I try to enjoy it however I can, playing soccer is my first love and you can probably guess by now what the second is

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Well its not really private anymore but that Im a huge spanking fan

I’m looking for

•               Girls who like guys

•               Ages 18–95

•               Near me, For new friends

You should message me if

you like to get spanked or if you have any interest in finding out what its like :)

No Friends, that is not a joke. This is really his profile. And I've gotta say, kudos for knowing what you're looking for and being straight up about it! I'm sure there's people who read some things on my profile (like where I wrote: The most private thing I’m willing to admit: It makes me sound really superficial, but I can't date someone who is short. And by short, I mean under 5'11". There's something about wearing heels with a guy and still feeling smaller than him that makes me feel feminine. And I hate being the taller one when I'm kissing someone. That make people pass up my profile as well!) However, I can't say that he wants what I want. So thank you for the laugh "usaasu" but I think that'll be the only thing cracking in my house!