I May not Believe in God, but I do Believe in Karma!

Sometimes things happen for a reason. I'm big on karma, and love when things fall into place. For example today I went to the gym only to find that my garage was blocked by a handyman for the neighbor's condo. Not a big deal, I just called the number on the side of the truck, asked him to move it, and said thank you. But when I got back from the gym, having that number in my phone memory came in handy. No, not because of a magical love connection, but because as I stood naked in my shower ready to clean myself for work, there was no water. Said handyman had turned it off thinking it was for the unit, when it was actually for the entire building. After a moment I called him (thankful that he HAD blocked me in and I had a way to get ahold of him!) and he directed me where to go to turn the water back on. If only he knew during those directions that I was running around trying to find the lever wearing only a sleep shirt and no drawers trying not to flash the neighborhood. But I digress!

I had another I love Karma moment tonight as I was reading my emails. You see, if someone seems normal from their message, I often visit their profile, check out their details, and view some of the answers to the questions they've answered. Tonight, in the "Sorted by Magic" category of question viewing, all I had to do was read the first answer and I knew this gentleman and I would not be friends!

I'm about to open up a bucket of worms and piss some people off. You may not want to keep reading if you are offended by religious discussions.

I brought this up once during my stint on Match.com, but here's a refresher: I consider myself an Atheist. My OkCupid profile states as much, and specifically says "Atheism, but not too serious about it" and in all truth I'm probably more agnostic than anything. According to Wikipedia, "In the popular sense, an agnostic is someone who neither believes nor disbelieves in the existence of a deity or deities, whereas a theist and an atheist believe and disbelieve, respectively. In the strict sense, however, agnosticism is the view that humanity does not currently possess the requisite knowledge and/or reason to provide sufficient rational grounds to justify the belief that deities either do or do not exist."


To be clear, I respect other people's beliefs and religions. However, I would also like to point out that there are people in jail who claim religious affinities and went to church, yet still committed a crime. And just as I don't think I'm better than anyone based on their religious beliefs, I don't think that they're better than me either. It's a good thing that I creep people's answers to OkCupid questions, because doing so resulted in the following conversation:

So far,  being able to see how people answered questions is my favorite thing about OkCupid; and since most guys don't seem to read some of the major things called out in my profile, you better believe I'm reading theirs. However I feel like I got lucky twice today, and the second time saved me all sorts of time and potential awkwardness, especially when his reply message said:

"Ok. I'm sorry for you and good luck"

No sir, I'm sorry for you and your close minded view of people. Because I'm pretty sure that priests have molested kids, regular church goers have gone to jail for crimes, and not everything good is centered around the church. But thanks for weeding yourself out early and saving me some time!

To the Salesman....

Ya'll know I'm in retail and sold $50,000 in Cutco knives during college. Let me reiterate a popular belief of sales people, "People don't like to be sold, but they love to buy!" And you Kevin, are trying too hard to sell yourself! Obviously I'm not the ultimate guru of people interaction or I wouldn't be on a dating website myself, but I felt like saying, "dude, take a breath!" as I read the following message:

Hello my name is Kevin I'm 39 6'5 265 I grew up in Peoria but currently live in Goodyear I own homes in Waddell and surprise also but they are rentals I own destiny tattoo and as well a monster truck limo business .and weight gym or fitness center ...chivalry is not dead and very much my normal nature,..I'm emotionally and financially secure mostly at this age drama free and would love to talk more if I semi interest u call or txt me 602 303-4XXX u look like a positive person w great energy,.... I am a college grad w degree in psychology ,.. Very patient and very peaceful anyhow have a blessed day hope to hear from you,..u have incredibly gorgeous eyes,... Phone giving me issues if u can't get thru send message in here,...

Does anyone else feel like someone just vomited thoughts on their screen? I mean, wow, he brings up great attributes, but for someone with a 31% enemy rating I'm a little skeptical. And it feels like he's trying too hard, or spewing too many of those catch phrases people think women want to hear. Like those people at the lotion kiosks in the mall that fast talk all the great attributes of their product as you walk by and it makes you want to walk even faster? Even Cupid says "Ya'll Got Issues" instead of the normal "The Two of Us" question comparison....  The honest truth is I'm not into tattoos that cover both a person's entire arms and their neck (which is probably part of why I won't be investigating this further), but the even deeper truth is when someone tries to sell me on something, I pull back. I like to get intrigued and explore more because you said something interesting, not because you just tried to sell me using everything in your arsenal of pretty words. 

Because I feel like it could have been genuine, I did send a message back. I figure take it with a grain of salt, and if something about my thoughts ring true for him and helps him find love faster, then great! This is what I wrote:

"Thank you for your message Kevin. While you seem genuine and possess several really great qualities, I'd like to be perfectly honest with you and hope that it's taken as well meaning as it's intended. Your message had a lot of content in it. And by that I mean it feels like you're trying to sell yourself too hard. You know the kiosk people at the mall? The ones that make you walk faster cause you can feel that they're just trying to sell you on something? Someone recently told me to "try softly" and I think there's a lot of power in that statement. Best wishes in finding love!"

What is comes down to is thank you sir for the information, but I think I'll keep on shopping!

Update: 

He responded back with:

Not at all if you were that perceptive you'd see I had no profile and if I hadn't told you the basics you'd be skeptical yet it was courtesy as for I'm very private and not the buffet type where is allow women to buffet what ever looks tasty,... Lol so let me know and have a blessed night

This is me being mean, but dude, stop vomiting thoughts onto my screen. Pause. Take breaths, and what am I supposed to let you know about? I think at this point we're pretty sure we don't like each other? Now, where is the store directory? Mama needs a new pair of boots....

To the One Who Needs to Go Back to High School English

Ok friends, tell it to me straight: am I unreasonable by being completely turned off by bad grammar and spelling? I know I write in a very stream of consciousness voice and am not perfect. However, I feel like people just might want to re-read their emails before they hit send when it's the only way they are making an impression? Here's the message I received:


richkaleb29: Hey Katie how was your week?


Me:  Hi! My weeks are always busy, and if they aren't I fill up the time so they are! But it was good. How about you? What was the highlight of your week? 


richkaleb29: My weeks are always busy! I am alway busy as I am an insurance adjuster. I play vball on Monday nites at the monistary in a league! Then I have my son every other week! So I keep busy too that is why I am on this site. Your very cute! This weekend I am relaxing cause this week taking my son trick or treating in lake havasu!


How I wanted to respond but didn't because I felt mean:


Richkaleb29, I suspect that you slept through High School English! May I offer you some suggestions?


My weeks are always busy! I am alway busy as I am an insurance adjuster. Repetitive and unclear, why is being an insurance adjuster always busy? Expand on this so that the reader understands the connection.


I play v-ball on Monday nights at the Monastery in a league, and I have my son every other week. Exclamation marks are best used in moderation to properly express excitement. You can not be this excited about everything, it feels forced. Please eliminate at least 3. So I keep busy too. That is why I am on this site. You're very cute! This feels a little ADD, please either finish the thought with something like "and I think we might have a lot in common" or eliminate the compliment altogether.


This weekend, I am relaxing because during the week I'll be taking my son trick or treating in Lake Havasu. Please expand on this thought as to why you are going there, this feels unfinished. It's a good idea to end with a question that relates to something in the woman's profile. It not only shows that you did more than look at her pictures, but also keeps the conversation going and shows interest in getting to know her further.   The way you ended your email leaves the reader uninspired to continue conversation.  Maybe type your emails in Microsoft Word and cut/paste if you need continued grammatical help? Thank you for your consideration, and please: re-read before you hit send!

The Meat-a-tarian.....

Something I like about OKCupid.com (besides their awesome flow chart and analysis of my impending geographically related romantic doom) is that they give statistical data on your likeliness to be a match, friend, or enemy based on the way I answered questions. And they let you view the other person's answers and see where you are similar and different. Yes, it kinda takes some of the conversation out of it, but that's assuming the average person actually takes the time to view stuff like that the way I do, right?

Anyways, I've developed a system to my new hobby of surfing dating profiles in hopes Mr Right might jump out of one of them. I look at the general statistical data and ignore most people who have more than a 15% chance of being my enemy. Then I look at their height (I know - but reference earlier blogs for that rant). Then I skim through pictures. And if they are still interesting, I read their profile. Yeah, I know, I should be all about the content and what they have to say before anything else, but even though I'm not looking for a model, I want to feel some kind of physical spark. Call me what you want for it, but I'm just being honest.

My first AWESOME message on Cupid came from a gentleman who had come across the "near you" feed earlier, but I'd disqualified for a myriad of reasons:

• He is 24
• He has a 26% Enemy rating
• And he looks like a skinny little punk in a wifebeater.

I almost didn't read the email from him, but for the sake of this blog, I'm glad I did! To give a bit of back story, one of my profile pictures is from Warrior Dash where I'm covered in mud and eating a turkey leg. I thought it was a funny, real life way to express who I am in a sea of model poses and self taken mirror pictures. This is essence of Katie $h!t right here!

But this is the message I received:

Call me mean, but I couldn't help myself! People who know me well will tell you my responses weren't exactly true. I was totally playing around out of boredom. I got the drumstick reference, and I'm not so innocent (I did work at Victoria's Secret for 7 years...) but seriously guys, how many women does this approach actually work with?!?  So sorry Mr. Meatatarian, I think I'm going Veggiesaurous on this one!

I'm Baaaack!

Yup folks, I'm back. After a hiatus from online dating because I thought I'd found the one - over a year later I'm back to square one in the dating world. Now here's the thing, I wouldn't have done anything differently over the past year and a half. I fell in love. I gave the relationship everything I had and have no regrets. It just wasn't the right time in both of our lives, and out of still caring for the insensitive asshole who dumped me, I'm not going any further into the details of the relationship's demise. The important thing, I'm back to my normal shenanigans in my search for love, which is good news for ya'll! Let's be real, I'm not emotionally ready to quite jump into dating. I still am working through emotions and although my head knows I'm strong and should move on, my heart's a little slower to jump on board the moving on train. However, I am absolutely ready for a distraction! 

So far, I've tried eHarmony, and during my last blog went on Match.com. This time, on the recommendation of a friend I'm testing out OKCupid.com. And by testing out, I mean I have a blank profile, with no pictures, but have answered about 75 questions. I was a little leery about a free dating site. I think I have always associated someone being willing to pay money to find love as someone more serious about finding it. Imagine my surprise when I received an email from OKCupid.com with a flow chart to my heart. This is based on the few questions I've answered, but sounds pretty true and obvious. If you're looking for true love, don't do drugs, and are willing to meet me in person I'll give you a chance. While that info isn't earth shattering, I never got a flow chart to my heart from the paying websites, and I gotta admit, I felt like I was getting special treatment when I got that email!

The next email in my inbox was even more amusing. Based on how I answered my questions, it gave me a geographical break down of the US and the world along with the states with my best and worst match possibilities. Worst states are in blue, the darker the blue, the worse the match pool. States that showed us a low potential for finding a love connection were Massachusetts, Washington, Oregon, California, and West Virginia. In all honesty I was a bit surprised, but did do mini happy dance about West Virginia. Arizona though still looks pretty blue, no wonder I haven't had much luck in love in this state! Now for the states OKCupid says have higher potential amounts of love matches for me: North Dakota, Iowa, Nebraska, Alabama, Mississippi. Really Cupid? Out of 20,251 answers those states are the best place to find love? My first thought was, "I need to answer more questions!" Evidently, there is secret midwest redneck hiding in my brain. Which is funny because I've been though all those states and felt detached from all the confederate flags. You'd think if I truly was meant to be with someone from there I'd have felt more at home during some of those awkward stops at gas stations?  Maybe I've been reading too much Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.... But it gets better, further down was a geographical breakdown of what countries my best matches reside in...

Best Countries: Jamaica, Israel, Singapore, Saudi Arabia, Hungary..... Huh? I'm still trying to figure out what that says about my personality! Worst Countries: Austria, Czech Republic, United Kingdom, Brazil, and United States. Great.... I have more statistical luck of finding love on a Jamaican vacation than I am in the country I live in! That means I might as well give up now on the whole theory about hanging out in the produce aisle of the grocery store in hopes of connecting with someone over the bananas or cucumbers. Instead friends, tell me where I can find steel drums in Phoenix? I'm hoping after I add more info they might re-run this report..... and that the answers change in favor of a little closer to home! But I gotta admit Cupid, your little reports make me want to fill out more stuff and see what happens.....