To The Boyfriend I Never Knew I Had....

I mentioned before when I came across 79 year old Gepapas, that I was politely replying no to all the winkers, and I got this message back from thesaintinphx:

So why did you quit on me?

Maybe you want more than a wink..that's what your profile says anyway...Tell me about Austin
please, and whether you think we can have a drink with no expectations, just a friendly
get together?

Louie

What???? Why did I quit on you? We haven't even had a conversation! And really, do you want to
 preface a meet and greet with "let's have a drink with no expectations"? You're on match.com, Louie, 
I think most people would say, let's have a drink and see if we connect, or have something in common,
 or get to know each other. The no expectations thing makes it feel like you play games. Plus, you're 5'7"
 and bald looking for Christian/Catholic girls between 5'1" and 5'6". There's a few things wrong with this 
picture, and the aggressive tone of his email may have made me respond kinda strongly:

RE: So why did you quit on me?

Excuse me? I replied no thanks for a few reasons, one of which was confirmed when I received your 
email. So again, no thank you, I would not like to get to know you further.

Sorry Mr. Saint in Phx, evidently I can be just as abrasive as you, because I always have expectations!

To the Grandpa

So I very rarely look at the area where the winkers get filtered into, I've already expressed my thoughts on the concept of the online wink and it's uselessness. In fact, I was told by someone that people wink because they don't want to pay for a membership. Again, what would be the point? You wink, I wink, and then we never email because you don't have access to that? But I digress....

One winker in particular did stand out as I began to click the "say no thanks" button on my list of people who didn't take time to read my profile. I barely even look at the pictures at this point, but his snowy white hair made me pause for a closer look. Gepapas, 79 years old, lives in Payson, seeking women 35-55. Wait, there are really men over 65 using this site?

First off, go grandpa! Way to not only be hip to technology (my own mother can barely navigate a smart phone much less a dating profile!), but adaptable enough in your old age to go with the times and not expect to meet your next lady friend organically at the grocery store! I couldn't stop myself from viewing his profile!

A little about me...
I was married for 53 years, so you can see that I understand what a commitment means. I retired in 1983 at age of 52 as an auditor for an insurance company for 19 years and Helen at age 55. I've never worked since. Helen passed away in September at 82 years. Have no children or relatives. The only baggage I have is is my closet awaiting my next trip to Utah. Like to travel, not upscale, meeting the people, for weeks or months. Have my own money, do not depend on social security or pension. Love the McCallum theatre and serious shows in Palm Desert, Ca. I have 2 tickets for 39 performances for the season starting November 2011. I do not watch tv, can you blame me? I love listening to nice soft beautiful instrumental music all day long. I go to medium price restaurants. Food and parties are not important to me. I am very neat and organized, and live alone in my 2 bedroom 2 bath home. I give to charities and causes which inspire me and truly give from the heart. I have friends who are kind and honest. I am very patient and relaxed. This does not mean I am a homebody! I travel and find many off-the-beaten-path events. I am in great physical shape and alive! You only live once and I am not done yet. Do you want to go see what's around the corner ? From May 15 to Oct.15 I am in Payson,AZ and Oct.15 to May 15 at Palm Springs, CA.

I'd just like to add...
I have been called "gregarious and charming" and "loyal." Send me contact info and I can send you many letters of reference from well regarded contacts who vouched for me. I know today we can easily be spooked by frauds online, and let me assure you that I am honest and real.

Didn't you hear...80 is the new 50. I run circles around these folks who are supposed to be younger and faster. They're sure not wiser! I'm not ready for a wheelchair yet, I'll still race you to the corner.


OK, so while I think it's obvious to anyone who knows me, I could never have a romantic relationship with anyone older than my father; but damn I just want to squeeze this cute little old man! He's very straight forward, knows what he wants, and for all intents and purposes seems to still explore and live adventures despite his age! AND he's willing to provide character references?!? Score! 


I do hope though that this seemingly sweet little old man (let's be real, he is looking for someone 35-55 which screams "I want arm candy for the theater") finds someone with whom he has a connection and isn't a gold digger looking for a sugar daddy. Realistically, I couldn't bring myself to date or kiss anyone that qualifies for a senior discount, and I feel like anyone that could just might have some Daddy issues hidden somewhere in their childhood. But when you put yourself in his shoes, no wife, no kids, decent health, financially comfortable, who wouldn't shoot for a cute young thing that makes them feel like they've still got it?


So Grandpa, thanks for the wink! I'm not going to take you up on it, but I'm a cheerleader in your corner and if you need a ride to cards or bingo, I'm your girl! 

To the Bible Thumper

Ok, first I must state that I respect other people's beliefs. Is organized religion something I choose for myself? No. Do I absolutely see the social benefit of it (as well as it's historical downfalls like the Salem witch trials....) Yes. But does ANYBODY like having someone else's beliefs shoved down their throats?


Come on a journey to my delightful filtered mail box....


ChristianGuy2012
If you get a chance, let's chat for a few. I would like to get to know you better.


Now, at the the moment I am dating someone (who I didn't meet through match but rather through a friend in the middle of this whole process). And while we haven't had "the talk" I'm not really actively looking much either.


But in that weird way you look at car crashes, I still check my filtered mail. It's like a game to see if there's a joke waiting for me. And the highly religious tone to his tag name sucked me in to read his profile:

Hello,

Where to begin? I think dating should be simple. I want someone who can trust in the lord and not play games. To me, dating is to get to know you and not see how much I can play hard to get. I want an honest loving lady who appreciates everything in life. I want someone who is driven, have goals and understand a relationship will have disagreements. Handling disagreements is extremely important because that’s the core of any relationship to last.??

My ideal relationship is a relationship where God is in the center. I am not a Jesus freak by any means but I feel there’s always room to grow. My ideal woman is someone who wants to grow together and share all the amazing qualities that God gave us. I think working hard and rewarding yourself is a good habit as long as we don’t get consumed into the worldly material things and forget what really matters to us.?

?I don’t think no matter how much I write will allow you to get to know me. So please say hello and don’t be shy. I am a firm believer that small risks pay off, so trust in the lord and let’s see where this goes. I have been very skeptical of online dating but why not give it a chance and see what this road will lead to.??
God Bless and if you think you can handle a real conversation, I would love to hear from you.


Well, ChristianGuy2012, maybe the first step to getting to know me better would be reading my profile. Let's start where it says Atheist...... 

To My Friend's Ex-Boyfriend....

All work makes it hard to email match.com-ers! So I finally get back on to check my filtered mail and had a delightful message entitled "Holy Shit!" of course the first thing I think of was oh crap, what ex-boyfriend/high school acquaintance is this? Luckily it wasn't an old flame instead, I found:


"I read your blog that Carla posted on fb and decided to give this place a try. And then bam you show up in my matches! Small world huh"


Hmmmm, so my big question because this person is a friend of a friend (and I just realized is her ex boyfriend!!!) and is normal for all intensive purposes is: what in the world about my blogs make you think "hey, sounds like a great idea!"???


"I would like to be booty called by strangers on vacation, asked for kinky sex relationships, and be ogled for my long neck too! Sounds delightful!" Now I will give match.com this, it is great entertainment! However, for the aspect of finding my soulmate...at least I don't have to kiss frogs, I can just hit the politely reply no thanks button. Does that count for anything? 


All I can say is rj882, I'm so glad I could inspire you to embark on a similar quest for love? I hope you have a girl request pictures of your feet, ask to tie you up before your first email response, and wink with both eyes!


Update:
My Response was:
Ha! What about my blog made you think "that sounds like a good idea"? I feel like I was highlighting all the crazies on here! Are the girls as funny and crazy as some of the guys are?

Katie


His Response was:
Katie, 

Oh I am sure there is a plethora of crack pots on this site, and you do an excellent job writing about them. I really have not spent a whole lot of time doing this whole online thing, so I am sure you are more hip to the scene. Fortunately for me, I have not had to deal with anyone crazy...yet 

You're cool, that's why I gave this site a try. I am down in the valley for the next week or so; we should hang out sometime. 

Rich


OK, so my first response was "have you not heard about the code???" You know, the one you learn in junior high that teaches you not to date your best friend's ex-boyfriend because you lost your best friend as a result? Out of confusion I sent my friend Carla a text:


"So rich emailed me a we should hang out message on match, is he just naive to the don't date your ex's friends rule? Or is he just that much of a natural douche bag?" 


Her response was "He may be a bit on the naive front." So Rich, be glad your ex girlfriend is a classy gal, cause she saved you from the hearing my rant when I received your message! But word to the wise: Don't try to date your ex's friends! - The know all the dirty laundry about you and in most cases the details of why you broke up that even your girlfriend didn't share with you!

To The "Dominant Male"

I'm proud to say I still have some of my innocence! I was initially completely confused by the following email:

honesty

Hello, I am looking for a woman that is open minded and not afraid to step out side the box {comfort zone}i am looking for a D/s relationship. were to people can grow and have a mental and physical conection...if this sounds like you contact me ...Dont let life slip away lets talk about it and see if we click..

D/s relationship? Here's my exact thoughts as I read the email:

Hello, I am looking for a woman that is open minded and not afraid to step out side the box {comfort zone} Well that's nice, mikearizona1965, I like adventurous people too, however I can tell you like 18-36 year olds since you feel the need to explain what it means to step outside of the box. i am looking for a D/s relationship. Huh? Divorced/Single? were to people can grow and have a mental and physical connection...Oh if only people could still spell and use the right homophones! I would like a mental and physical connection with the person I date too - who doesn't? But I feel like I'm missing the meaning of what you're saying for some reason. if this sounds like you contact me ...Dont let life slip away lets talk about it and see if we click.. Uhhh?

So I went back and read his profile a second time:

dominant male here looking
I am looking for a woman that is open minded..(sub)... my friends say i am very caring, loving ,nurturing,person i like traveling to vegas. i like going to the lake, renting wave runers, going to the movies. i like going out to dinner.Im not looking for a woman that wants to just be with a guy a couple times a week. i am looking for a friend as well as a lover, two people that can stand being next to each other. I am interested in young woman as well as older woman, age does not matter to me as long as we have fun and live life...

Then it dawned on me! D/s = Dominant/submissive?!? Do they really even cap locks the
dominant one, but not the submissive? My default is always to google something I don't know about, and it turns out, wikipedia knows more about sex than I do! Dominance and submission is not solely based on physical contact; rather, it focused on control and power exchange. It can be intensely physical and emotional, but incorporates a safe word so the situation does not go out of control or become abusive. I'm all for keeping thing interesting in the bedroom, but evidently I am kinda "vanilla!" The list of possible D/s activities in wiki included: erotic humiliation, sexual slavery, verbal humiliation, fetishes, whipping, golden showers, and bondage.

Oh Match.com, you never cease to surprise me! I'm all for whatever people want to do behind closed doors (I do work in a lingerie store!) and my first thought was "Sorry Dude, I'd be the dominant one if I ever decided to get into that!" I'm all for a pair of furry handcuffs, but the thought of dog collars, whips and golden showers is a little beyond me!

So sorry mikearizona1965, you can't put a leash on me!

To The One Who's Date I Fell Asleep During....

This story needs some background before I start into it. As most of you probably know if you're reading this, I've practically been screaming on Facebook how single I am by posting links to this blog. It so happens that as a result I had a acquaintance from high school take an interest and ask me out, and I figured why not, I don't remember ever having a crush on him, but it's ten years later, let's see what happens! It's not like match.com is the ONLY place I can get a date from anymore!

Our evening was scheduled for a Friday, and by Friday morning I think I'd already hit 40 hours in the store not counting my shift that day or saturday, and with my second job of responding to emails from match.comers (there are 16 different gentlemen in my inbox who have unknowingly passed several of the initial hoops, jumps and twirls and I'm emailing with, along with another who my friend Karen introduced me to through Facebook, Dave I hope you're not reading this!) I've been getting an average of about 5 hours of sleep. The previous night I'd gone out with some girlfriends and after about 3 drinks, this was me on the car ride home at midnight. Klassy with a K right? But this narcoleptic moment is pertinent to our story for my date the next night. So Friday rolls around, and I'm a bit tired, but I'm not going to cancel because that's rude, right?

We met for dinner, and as I recognize him and walk over I realized he's in the "shorter than thou" category by at least six inches in the shoes I was wearing. As you know from an earlier blog, I have a height complex. But I decided that I was going to throw it out the door, and get to know someone for who they are and see if I could date a shorter man. I'm not going to go into too many details, but conversation was decent, he was very sweet and genuine, has passions that he's pursuing in life, and overall will be a great catch for someone. After dinner we had planned to see Friends With Benefits, but the only options that would work with dinner was a 10:30 showing....I think you all can see where this is going.

I made it through the previews, but right about when the movie started my tummy was full, the theater was dark, and I had one of those long blinks. You know, where your eyes close, and it doesn't feel like you fell asleep until you realize you have no idea how Justin Timberlake wound up in New York City? Yeah, one of those. And out of the corner of my eye, I swear I saw his head turning away from me...I'd been caught! I was mortified, no wonder I'm single, I behave badly during first dates and fall asleep - who does that?

I guess it could have been worse, I could have drifted off in the middle of conversation before the previews started. My mother will testify that I've fallen asleep sitting up for ten minute power naps my entire life, which is great in a plane but not on a date! From here on out, I'm drinking like two red bulls AND a venti coffee first - at least then I won't get a second date because he thinks I'm a junkie when I'm really just shaking from all the caffeine cause I don't want to have a narcoleptic moment!  After my ten minutes in dreamland, I was so embarrassed I stayed awake the rest of the movie (it helped that the movie was hilarious).

When we were walking to our cars, I started to get nervous about the whole ending the date moments. It was enjoyable, but I didn't have much of an inclination to kiss him, crap he's shorter than me, Katie stop being so judgmental, were all whizzing through my head. I was so nervous, I kinda leaned down to hug him and thanked him for the date and then ran off to my car. And in that moment I knew. Even though I debated it with myself the entire rest of the weekend because I don't consider myself to be a superficial bitch. It was during the lean down I realized...I have a height complex that can not be solved no matter how open I try to keep my mind.

That leads us to this morning. I took the completely wimpy way out and sent him a text, but a text is better than nothing at all right? I could have played the games that so many girls do of being busy or not responding, etc. But since I had a previous connection to him, I just didn't have the guts for a live phone conversation!

I went for full honesty "Hey XXXX, I have to be honest with you because I don't want to waste your time. I can't get past the fact that you're shorter than I am. I realize it's really superficial to say that, but it's true, and I don't want to lead you on."

Which makes me a huge jerk (no pun intended), but I'm not out to hurt anyone, and the way I see it, it's better to rip off a bandaid with honesty and try to be as fair as possible to the people you interact with. I still can't believe I fell asleep though.....

To the Boy with the 4.0 GPA

This will be my meanest post so far...but god I almost cried laughing!


Hey beautiful, I know you probably get this a lot but I'm going to say it anyways, you are absolutely gorgeous sweetheart. My name is Marcus by the way and I would love to get to know you a little bit more that is if your interested..?If you would like you could email me at xxxxxxxxx@talkmatch.com or you could even text me at 623-217-XXXX call or text me i would love to talk to you some time sweetie. Looking forward to hearing from you.
About Me

I am 22 years old
5' 8" Tall
Slim / Athletic Body type
Currently enrolled at ITT Tech for my Bachelors in Information Technology and Security
Currently have a 4.0 GPA and maintain it but putting it first as well as i do with my family
I am a student aid as well as a tutor for my school
I do make my own hours except for the time I'm at school so I am free most days
Common interests include films, music, comedy shows, quads, hunting, off-roading, dunes etc.


Oh honey bunch, you are going to get eaten alive on match.com!!! But your 4.0 GPA and tutoring experience make you just so endearing! I'm picturing in my head a super eagle scout, so I flipped back through the photos, and just what you'd expect, a young, fresh face void of much facial hair, glasses, skinny white boy. My first thought after I called my girlfriend laughing was I bet he's a virgin. But he does address that on his profile as well, and oh am I wrong!


"I am looking for something real for once. Not looking for just sex, would like to take a break from sex for awhile. I'm looking for something a little more serious. Someone that I can talk to, hang out with, go on dates with, movies or whatever. Someone that would enjoy going out on my boat with me, or off roading, rock crawling, or sight seeing in my jeep, Road trips, etc. I'm looking for someone that can hold a conversation."


Yeah, I'd like to take a break from sex too, that's why I joined this dating website as well, Marcus! Oh, but you adorable shiny faced little boy - I hope you find a nice girl on here and fall in love!